I'm sorry!

To all the people who know me: I'm sorry that I'm negative all the time, it's hard to be positive when you've been sad most of your life, I'm sorry my hygiene is not up to social standards since my depression has made me believe I'm not worth being liked or wanted, I'm sorry that my car stinks to all that have ridden in it, it's hard to make multiple trips with stuff that I don't want in my dorm plus I live at the very edge of the apartment and the elevator is in the center, I'm sorry that I'm too poor to buy new fashionable clothes since I live on a tight budget and the first things are bills, gas, food, whatever's left is for gas. I'm sorry that I'm not friendly when you meet me, but when it comes down to it, I've been alone for a long time, being alone for a few more decades won't be much of a problem since I've had too much practice. Insults come my way so often I take them as compliments, if I get compliments they feel so uncommon that to my brain I think they're insults. I don't care if I'm unwanted, it's been that way for so long, if I was in a relationship it would feel weird. Recently a friend wanted to stop being my friend because of these things, look I don't really care, I just wish she understood my side of the story! Instead it went in one ear and out the other, I no longer have parents to care for me or buy me clothes. They no longer are there to feed me or motivate me to do my best and tell me that I can do better! During this time of year it's hard to look at a Christmas tree without crying or wishing it was over! Being kidnapped by krampus and taken to a hell where I'm forced to enjoy the Christmas that I use to have with my family! You call that a punishment I call that the best gift a hell beast can pesto! Being with my family enjoying each others company, opening presents, and never going back to this hell of a world, damnit krampus sounds like a good guy! Anyway, the girl who ended our relationship of being friends doesn't understand my side of the story and wants me to change my ways to fit her. Well I hope she can find someone who can code for webdesign if she truly hates me that much. She can always ask the kids in our class but they'll tell her to pay them more than what I'd charge her.